Sunday, January 29
Watching made of honor on the couch while he sleeps
I am so sleepy. I was going to spill the beans and rant about how anths made me feel. Is it even worth it? He really did hurt me. I'm sure I've hurt him too but I can't help but feel as if he's is more.. Intentional. I've never thought, let's flaunt this. I've had to see him tell another girl she was beautiful over and over again, so much that I honestly don't even remember him telling me that much. I saw him grind with other girls. Hold another girl. Hold another girls hand. Talk about getting other girls. But hey, it's been months. Of course he has every right to. I just can't help but feel hurt that's all. But he's full of shit anyway, do seriously, don't let it bother you Christina. Don't. Don't contact him, no matter how tempted you are. Just don't.
Saturday, November 19
 i'm sure we've all felt this way before haha
Friday, November 11
Definitely need to let go of all this anger and hate :) it holds me down like crazy and it's not who I want to be!!! So stop it haha
when somethings not right, just take action! Do something about it. Tis much better than bitching about it. At least if there's something being done, there won't be anything to bitch about! Isn't that logical? Haha ok back to accounting...
Wednesday, November 9
i wonder what's wrong with me that i can't stand people sometimes. is it them, is it really qwhat's wrong with them? maybe i'm so easily agitated. maybe i just don't care for them enough to care for their stories. but it's weird, i thought i was a listener at times. okay, i've decided that it's not me, it's them. i guess i can be pretty selective or whatever it is. i just really can't tolerate people sometimes. maybe it's when their values and choices are different in those areas that i can't relate at all and i just think, i'm bored of that, i want more. i definitely need to branch out a bit more. i can't keep thinking about my past and pondering on one bullshit feeling to the next.
Tuesday, November 8
All signs point to study. No Fb, no tumblr, only Twitter, Anthony meh, how did Jimmy suddenly turn into meh in the last few hours?! Lam's on a date, mums napping, I'm meant to study but Fuck, I feel low, in bed, just in bed... Beds nice. This is quite a shit feeling though. I knew that high wouldn't last.
Sunday, October 9
i need to get my shit together
i know it
i feel like it's slowly.. coming together.. sort of
one step forward two steps backwards
i dont want to lose great friendships, i really dont! hope you know it!!!!
i hope jimmy will be okay, just, i know he is. but i'm not after what he's after. i just hope i'll get better at being clear about it i don't want them hating me because they're just, beautiful and i don't want to seem like that tramp that just won't treat him right, ya know?
i love mum, truly gotta show it more i have been spending WAY TOO CARELESSLY AS OF NEXT WEEK, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CHRISTINA, manage your money. you work hard, you tire yourself out, come on, save up. resist the urge
but no regrets okay? pancakes at 5am, fancy schmancy sushi train that night, spontaneous yumcha, spontaneous this, spontaneous that. don't regret it. you did what you did, don't regret it! okay? COS IT'S SHIT LIKE THAT THAT MAKES MEMORIES :)
anyway, ETTALONG I REALLY want to go on a trip with lam up there! and jimmy and quoc and we hate people :( LMAO i want to get quoc stonnnnnnnned. we have to run this by him first
i dont know if mell still stumbles here now and then, but mell i want you to come up some time too! and alex too if he wants! i mean, i know how he lieks to fish! maybe we can get another bloke up here who enjoys fishing LOL and us girls can just sunbake a bit!
i want a car - because everytime i get mum's on the weekend, i get all nostalgic of how great it is to cruise with music :) it's.. a great high
OKAY BACK TO WORK NOW
brought anth food this morning, a bit of a hsc survival kit. i love him, i really do - i mean, through everything, no matter what i say or how shitty i get, i know he cares and i know i care, and i can never regret those years :) i can't, because he really did give me those butterflies, he did. so yeah, here's to, good peace. i don't want anybody hurt anymore :( I hate when they're hurt.
Thursday, September 8
i just found out tumblr could do private posts..
I used to get cut when I was out late on my own and you wouldn’t show any sort of concern for my safety. Sometimes I just wanted to feel like a little girl again, so protected. But I’m on my way home now and I’m by myself and, it feels fucking fantastic to not feel like I’m missing a text or call you know? I feel slightly liberated. I like this whole independence feeling :-)
fuck yeah :)
Tuesday, September 6
i need to let it out here
otherwise i'd blow up in ur face HA
you are a fuckwit okay!!! youre an asshole! NO just no. boysare such little shits, always always listening to everybody else but me. okay i sound like a whinger but fuck you for not listening and its ironic because it wouldnt have happened if u didnt listen :(
I JUST WANT TO BE APPRECIATED GOD DAMMNIT LOL :@ fuck
anyway, i watdched a movie in gold class 8) and i felt mad. that is all. fuck you x 201020294
Saturday, September 3
i'm thinking about all the bad things - it helps me believe that this is for the best
"Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch."
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i want a guy who's know going to want to play hon instead of talking to me
you never used to do that, but i guess now you're just making up for loss time
i want a guy who will be more ambitious, who'll work harder and in turn, inspire me to work harder and be better (that's always been the case - what happened?)
i want a guy who'll take the lead, and go ahead and take action.
you used to do that
i want a guy who won't complain so much with every little thing - i hate that we shared this bad habit, i want to be rid of it!
there are just all these other things and i want to replay them over and over again in my head :) oh, there's one other thing i'll always hate. i know you didn't know what to say, or do, but i felt like you should've done more. you were the only one i came up and talked to about it.
you're not to blame i've accepted it i just need to think about the bad :) thinking about the good hurts but seeing it in a different perspective, - you're not ALLOWED to feel shit anymore okay? you have so many exams coming up, and you would hate it if your emotions interfered with them. you did the hsc with so many feelings running around in your head, you can do this. you can do this.
just think about it this way, he was the one that wanted it to end. he wanted to throw this away. he'll miss it, sure, but he was the one that was fine with the ending.
Wednesday, August 31
i'm hurt, asshole
and i'm getting upset because there is nothing you can say or do to make it go away
i don't hate you. of course i don't hate you. but if there were to be any reason why i would hate you or feel that hostile towards you, it would be for fighting for me. how dare you fight for me the way you did, making me really believe that we were really worth holding on to?
im so pissed offfjalkdfjsaildjlskafcx
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